Day One

There isn't time for me to edit this, the start of my world cup diary, up to the standard of my news reports, but I hope I can skim over the main bumps in the literal road so that some of you can roll along the text and come out with a fair idea of what the fuck has happened in germany…….But beware, this is no super-polished writing performance, more an undusted diary of a dope-fiend football nut.

Please excuse the reccurring grammar gremlins, they are unavoidable with the heavy schedule I have set for myself for this coming four weeks…It is my aim to watch every game and remain in my full-time horrorshow data-entry job. A tall-order, when you consider the fatigue enducing time issues of 5am kick offs…Still, it only happens once every four years, and hopefully, at the end of this torture I will possess and raw, but accurate account of truly living the world cup dream….Of course there is the chance my interest will prove merely a shooting star…but that is more down to Rooney and Luca Toni, than any other mitigating factors..
(if there is anybody with the time or inclination to help me edit these often very confused lumps of text, please message me at once)

The opening ceremony-
All-male squadron of drummers dressed in traditional Bavarian attire. Greener than nature carpet replaced by red for the arrival of Pele with Claudia Schiffer, the brazilian smiling his winning smile, flirting with blonde angel who seems somewhat out of place but a worthy showpiece nonetheless.
Just like the olympics, every team arrives on the field, represented by past players….
Terrible TRIO- Koeller(german political commander), flanked by Franz and Blatter(FIFA president),.
‘Time to make friends’ Koeller…Franz Beckenbauer 'can do no wrong’Pele dumps Claudia to join the Brazilian party lining up on the pitch, he hugs and kisses , spreading through the teams with that famous pace. Possibly a professional pickpocket, very sly, Pale….taxi incident. ‘No-one car-jacks Pele, he is divine, that’s like selling your soul to the devil’
fuzbal!!!’ shouts Koeller, with a smile,, ‘Fuzball’,again, with a chuckle,,,’fuzball’,,,; Koeller concludes his speech. Evil, knowing sort of grin on his haggard but excited face.
Pele still milking the crowd.
Eusebio politely smiles but shakes his head in confusion at the German jokes which draws roars from the raucous crowd.

Germany v Costa Rica
PRE match-
Ballack relegated to bench- despite been fit-because of comments made to the media about German squad. Klinssman keeping quiet for press but perhaps punished his star-man by selection only as sub. Germans have more established players, Lehman, Podolski, Klose, Ballack (if he enters the fray), Schweinsteger..Young , exciting, but very vulnerable at the back..If they have true German blood, they have the resilience that is assured for every game. However, resilience often counts for shit when you face a team more hungry and more talented e.g. Krouts 1- Engles 5.

Will Rooney be risked against Sweden in an attempt to secure first place?. I doubt from the start, this is assuming Swedes and engles won all games so far when they reach this point on 20 June…Rooney maybe come on as sub to score late winner. better to save him and accept second if that is how it looks. I would fancy both teams to beat their 2nd round opponents who will be plucked from group a (German, Costa Rica, polak, Ecuador)..weak group..never under-estimate the Germans…

Here they come
can Costa Rica produce good football, not just coffee and bananas??’ says Ned Zelic, now known as NZ
chose a joint over vodka, but now as the players finally step onto the grass, finally after four years of waiting and a steady increase in excitement and fervour , I feel almost obligated to make good on my pre-joint notion of chilled fine Czech vodka and coca cola….just time as the lively C.rican anthem plays to a bemused stadium, muffled cheers.. Now the German anthem,, much more sombre, a heavy history. The ranks sing loud, led by commanding tenor ,Lehman.

Ballack watches from sidelines, not even sub!

Minute of silence– for what? Interrupted. Wasn’t made clear enough in the programme.
As on pro evo, Schweinsteiger looks like a rat.

3- Frinz rocket 30 yards, deflected–stunning shot hit top of net. No corner hahahahaha
Klose birthday–
6th minute—GOAL curling right top corner, cutting in from left midfield,, Lahm blasts hosts into lead from 20 yards..1-0..what a chance for keeper.
Ref blows whistle, no card forces handshakes..nice touch
10th minute,, Germans miss good chance .terrible defending.
Germans pouring forward
‘this game could be beyond Costa Rica’
Ballack hugging manager, Klinssman, love is there. They ok. CR on the rack. German midfield pouring forward, down left especially.
12th minute- Wanchope breaks offside rap, one on one with Lehman—calmly beats him..looked offside.
1-1 GOAL 2 on one for Lehman no chance…he was ON SIDE 1-1 no mistake from wonder boy Wanchope…his 44th for CR

warmth of alcohol..I’ve missed this forgotten how nice it feels…vodka and a Costa Rican equaliser against the Germans.. Good things in life…
Maybe over the coming football weeks I move to drink and lose the greenery . Then stop cigs and just have drink..,…then stop that….salvia? Yage??mescalin???

CR have Knocked the wind out of the German sails.
17th- GOAL Klose pounces at far post after cross and great work from Schweinsteiger down right….2-1
roller coaster for the Kaiser…
I remember the confederations cup, Germans were young and very attack-minded with bad defence…lots of goals,, lets hope for the same here
cant take eyes off game…what next>?
Germans all want to shoot.
Krouts defence small.(lacing height collectively)
28 –Schweinsteiger and co cutting down left like broadsword thru skull with alarming regularity.
30- yellow for CR my namesake, Danny Fonseca 1st booking! Well done lad.
Cute handball by Rodriguez..
Bionic ref???thick, cream-coloured wires on either side of his face heading into ears. constant communication with linesman? All Argies.
Real salt lake city. Boca Scunthorpe seniors.
Like the dark rabbits with red eyes from water-ship down.

HT 2-1
Germans have seen much more of the ball with the whole midfield willing to leap forward at any inkling of an opportunity. Wave after wave of Krouts pressure, almost exclusively successful down their left flank where Schweinsteiger has energy, pace and an eagerness to shoot that is shared by many of his team-mates. Costa Rica aren’t out of it, and Wanchope looks capable of adding to his first half strike. Some very close offside calls which 9/10 times have been extremely accurate. Thumbs up to the Argies officials. Also only one yellow card. Costa Ricans aren’t overawed by the occasion and all their players seem to have a fair amount of bal control, which can’t be said of the tiny German defenders who seem more like a buffer zone that you see at the end of trains tracks than cultured artists wishing to play tricks with the ball…

Numerous shots from the hosts. Costa Rican right back needs to be beefed up or someone needs to mark Schweinsteiger else the gap will increase to maybe 3-1….or how about 5-2!German defence is very static, awkward, inflexible, like oil rather than petrol. Shot count 1 shot 1 goal for CR 2 goals in 5 for German


52- I think Klinssman told his lads to: calm down, relax, keep the lead, win, play more extravagant only if the third goal comes but don’t risk all to chase it…
56- Lehman voice loudest in stadium, can be heard above murmur of crowd as Germans grow anxious at slender one goal lead..Germans tired???spunked their load in the first half bombardment?
(Get military terms)
61st 3-1 GOAL Klose after deflected left foot cross by Lahm. First header saved, put in on second attempt, with right foot. Birthday boy is on a hatrick…poor defending, Klose wasn’t marked for first effort.

67-Lovely barge to the back of Schweinsteiger by nice guy Wanchope….
68- unintentional body smash by Gomez on German defender.
73- GOAL Wanchope stays onside. Ball threaded through by Sentena (?)slightly OFFSIDE..but why not a goal eh???3-2! Clinical poke past Lehman by it really that hard to mark one player???45 goals now for the strikers Costa Rican resume in his70th game for the team.
85- despicable Schneider dive
89- GOAL Schweinsteiger short free kick across the pitch finds Frinz who hits a first time right foot rocket beating keeper to his left. Wicked goal…hitting a ball with power and accuracy, when it is coming across your favoured shooting foot, is an exquisitely rewarding but rare talent. 4-2

94- finishes 4-2.

Enjoyable opener to the finals with Germany taking a deserved victory based on their possession, chances and determination. It must be said that Klinnsman’s defensive unit has a huge amount of room for improvement. The Costa Rican game plan is simple : get the ball to Wanchope in dangerous positions. Schweinsteiger looked very dangerous. I saw nothing to convince me that the hosts have a serious chance of winning the tournament, though I expect them to make second spot(behind the Polaks), or maybe even first, then bow out to an embarrassing home hammering at the feet of my beloved England, in the second round.

Officials Watch- 9/10 : let the game flow. Only one booking. Calm, sensible refereeing. Linesman made only one mistake out of many very tight calls. good work.

The breather of 38 minutes between games gives me the perfect opportunity to roll a j and practice my crouch robot dance in preparation for the England V Paraguay game tomorrow night.

Ecuador vs. Polaks
game 2/64

without the altitude advantage(25 of their 28 qualifying points were won high up in the mountains), the Ecuadorians will find it very tough against the very solid Polaks who gave the engles a tough time when they played together during qualifying.

This isn’t time for vodka. Tetleys. Local brewery-40000litres drank each game at Gelsenkirchen stadium.
Balmy 29C

I guess the one man and his cat routine didn’t go down even half as well as I had mischievously hoped…

Prediction: Poland 2-0 Ecuador
Ecuador’s only away victory of the last 4 years came against Bolivia. That is enough to convince me that the Poles will prevail.

Korean linesman is a registered dwarf. Ref a nervous looking jap.

‘You gotta be some player to wear lemon boots and Valencia is some player’
Suarez, Colombian coach, fierce looking stare.
Poles well up for it….Ecuadorians breaking opponents with every block. Very tough
left pole-back Zvargkof-strong in tackle. lively
7th– captain Hurtado halts incisive run of pole winger
Castillon- robust Ecuadorian enforcer. Same job as Espinoza, who is also impressive.
Peculiar, evil looking pole right back Jok
24- GOAL long throw by de la Cruz, flicked on skilfully by del Galdo, then finished off with a second header by Tenerio past stranded pole keeper.1-0
animated Suarez looks ready to soot someone despite his team’s early lead.
29- Tenerio tries to repay the favour setting up del Gado 2 yards from goal who skies his shot over the goal and into the car park.
31- Hurtado booked.
Del Gado is like a black panther.
36- Mamarak booked for two-footer into Tenerio.

Well. How wrong I was to have joined the ‘Ecuador are shit’ campaign and forgotten the beautiful randomness of football that delivers games like this one. Ecuador are ahead and look like adding to their lead. The south Americans are holding good possession and have played with a very robust, physical approach with dashes of flair and blinding pace. The Poles were by far the more eager side in the first twenty minutes, but after conceding the goal they looked shell-shocked, and their opponents grew in stature with each passing minute until near the end of the first half. I like the ‘Suarez’ approach. Hold the ball, attack when possible with pace and praiseworthy ball control. Espinoza especially has impressed me with his battling and fierce nature. Valencia, also, looks interesting though for very different reasons such as trickery and explosive shot technique.


The floor of this flat is too cold to touch even through my socks.

Cries of ‘POLSKA!POLSKA’ resound throughout the terraces.

54- sibereski…thwarted by perfect full-blooded, inside the box, tackle by star man Espinoza.

Cut to Suarez, still ready to kill..

59-chance for Shcehkoviak, blocked by brave and able Hurtado.

65- Hurtado injured..oho oh!!!
He is a tough guy, I am sure that unless his condition is life-threatening, he will return..

68- Hurtado re-enters the battlefield..the worlds Ecuadorians breathe a simultaneous sigh of shared relief..

69- Hurtado is crippled, he hands over the captains armband to de la Cruz, then hobbles off to be replaced by a mean looking compatriot called Mr Guagua.

late on-Delgado, surely, wins the game for south america..kaviedes squared ball to the experienced pro for his 30th goal for his country….nice move.

Ecuador have earned my respect. The defensive pair especially, the Herculean Hurtado and Black panther Espinoza, were excellent throughout the match and able to deny the Polaks all but a handful of serious goal scoring chances, which is no mean feat when you consider that in qualifying the Poles averaged three goals per game…..Isn’t football, and international football at that, a truly wonderful part of life. So often, truly unpredictable. Delgado capped a committed performance with a well taken goal and the younger Valencia and Tenerio impressed with entertaining skill mixed with enthusiasm. Great game. To be fair, the Polaks did hit the frame twice, but I think Ecuador deserved it on effort and charisma.
Man of the match: Espinoza. imperious and hard as nails….
On this form, the south Americans will give the Germans a fair run for their deutch marks in the race for first place in what is looking , already, like a very intriguing group.
Great work Ecuador. Kaviedes, who came on as a second half sub, looked wicked, very quick and direct with two good feet.


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